


find us a way to make light (Lucky13 #5)

by megyal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amnesia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 10:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amnesia affects their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	find us a way to make light (Lucky13 #5)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pushkin666](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushkin666/gifts).



> 'amnesia' for pushkin666@LJ. Inspired by this [ article](http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/09/24/070924fa_fact_sacks?currentPage=all). Song title from 'The Fixer', by Pearl Jam.

Harry sat facing a door, struggling against the panic heaving behind the bones of his chest. The door opened and relief flooded through him, washing away the stifling stench of anguish.

"Draco!" He cried out, leaping out of his chair and hurtling towards the taller man. "Draco!" He flung his arms around Draco's neck and held on as if he would be swept away by the joyous river flowing within him.

"Oh, Draco," he said in a shaky moan. "I've been dead, I've been dead forever and I'm only alive now that you're back."

"Darling, what an odd thing to say," Draco rumbled in his ear, his voice tight. He kept his arms wrapped around Harry's frame, and Harry revelled in the warmth of his arms. "You've seen me just now."

"No, I haven't." Harry drew back a few inches, deeply terrified to let Draco out of his sight. "I haven't seen you, not since Belfast and I've been going slowly mad all this time."

Draco's expression contorted for a wrenching beat before it smoothed out into its usual serene display. "Well, I'm here now. Have you had some tea already? Let me loose a bit, I'll fix up a cup for us both."

With great reluctance, Harry released him. He kept his gaze fixed on Draco as he put together the tea-things set on the side-table. If he looked away, Draco might disappear into the void once more, and Harry would be broken. 

Outside one of the tall, arched windows, an owl hooted. It sounded so like Hedwig that Harry had turn to look; the owl was a lovely brown, and not white. A slight smile touched at his lips.

The smile faded. He was alone again; he was all alone in this strange room with the plump furniture and the mean windows. He was dead, and all alone. Where was Draco, where _was_ he?

Clinking noises came from behind him and Harry whirled around, holding back sobs of relief. Draco had obviously apparated in behind him and was making tea, how odd. Harry galloped over, embracing him with joy.

"Draco!" he cried. "I've been dead and all alone, don't leave me again!"

"No, dear Harry, my darling." Draco kissed him on his cheek and folded him close. "I'll always be with you. Now, won't you have some tea?"

+

The walls of this room were painted a soft, buttery yellow; it reminded Harry of Draco, but then again, most things reminded Harry of Draco.

He turned his head and grinned so widely that his cheeks hurt. Draco was _here_! How wonderful! Harry told him so.

"It is," Draco agreed in his solemn way, his gaze warm and sweet. "Do you remember Healer Gopal?" He tilted his head to the left and Harry turned his head in that direction. A man sat beside Draco. They were all at a table and Harry took a deep breath. It was all _wrong_ , he knew that, but if he told Draco that just a moment ago he felt dead and all alone, then Draco would get a funny look on his face...as if his heart was breaking.

He wasn't sure how he knew that.

"No," Harry said, very carefully. "I don't."

Healer Gopal nodded. He had very intent dark eyes and mostly white, curly hair, even though he seemed to have a very young face. "It is a pleasure, Mr. Potter."

"Oh, it's just Harry," Harry said, waving one hand around in a careless manner.

"Harry," Healer Gopal repeated. He had a very level, clipped way of speaking. "May I ask you a few questions?"

Harry glanced at Draco, and observed that the planes of his face were relaxed.

"Sure," Harry told the Healer. "Fire away."

"How long have you been married?" Healer Gopal queried. One of his hands rested atop the table, and his fingers curled very slightly.

"To Draco?" Harry asked, grinning because this part was easy, really.

"Yes." Healer Gopal didn't smile, but there seemed to be a lightening in his face.

"Five years now, isn't it?" Harry looked at Draco for confirmation. Draco's expression was mostly blank, except for a slight twist of the skin between his eyebrows. Harry nodded anyway, because that sounded about right. He didn't forget any of his anniversaries, not with Ginny nor with Draco.

"Five years," Harry repeated and reached over the table for Draco's hand. Without hesitation, Draco met him halfway. His long fingers wrapped around Harry's and gripped very tightly. Harry sighed in pleasure. Draco's fingers were so very warm.

"Have you met our kids?" Harry asked Healer Gopal, ever so bright on the inside now that Draco anchored him. "Everyone knows my three, but he's got his Scorpius. He's right brilliant, like his Da. Very lovely."

"He's lovely because he minds his manners around you," Draco shot back and Harry released peals of laughter, tickled at the familiarity of their banter.

"They should be in seventh year at old Hogwarts now, my Al and his Scorpius. They're thick as thieves, those two." Harry grinned and Draco shook his head slightly, a smile blooming over his thin lips.

"Harry," Healer Gopal said in his steady, heavy voice. "Do you see how different Draco looks?"

"Different how?" Harry gazed at Draco with some surprise.

"Older, I would say."

"Why, yes. He does." Harry blinked a little. It was true, Draco _did_ look older. Then, he squeezed Draco's hand. "He's still Draco, isn't he? The very best thing I have going in my life."

Draco let out a little sigh and smiled so softly that Harry felt all his insides go soft.

"All we've been through, he's my center," Harry continued and Draco closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, the stone-grey shone a little. 

"You love him very much," Healer Gopal noted, quite unnecessarily in Harry's opinion, but he nodded in response. "Harry, do you know what's happened to you?"

"What's happened to me?" Harry snapped his gaze away from Draco's comforting one, frowning at the Healer. "What do you mean, something's happened to me?"

Healer Gopal exhaled heavily. "There was an accident, when you were on assignment in Belfast. You were in a coma for three weeks."

Harry stared at him, a lump building in his throat.

"You can't make new memories, darling," Draco said. "It's like...you're wiped clean every few minutes." He raised their joined hands and pressed a soft kiss to Harry's knuckles. His fingers shook under Harry's touch.

"I don't…" Harry pressed the heel of his free hand to his forehead. " _What_?"

"I've spoken to you hundreds of times before," Healer Gopal told him. "But it's like the first time for you, _every time_."

Harry tried to pull away, to wrap both his arms around himself. All his insides threatened to spill out; Draco kept his grip tight, and Harry hung on, desperately. _Hundreds of times_? His mind whirled. Then how old were his children? Where were Ron and Hermione? This must be a horrible dream.

"But every time I see you with Draco, it's like--" Healer Gopal frowned a little, apparently casting about for words. His fingers traced light patterns atop the table. "It's like you love him even more. You're always so delighted to see him." Healer Gopal smiled, and it utterly transformed his face. "I've studied a lot of cases like yours, and that...that gives me hope."

Draco got to his feet and walked around the table without letting go of Harry's hand. He tugged him to his feet and pressed a quick kiss to Harry's trembling mouth.

"Don't give up on me, Draco," Harry begged him, mumbling through the minute space between their lips. "Darling, please, _please_ \--"

Draco kissed him again, deep and hard. When he pulled away, he wiped the tears from Harry's cheeks with the pad of his thumb.

"Don't cry," Draco said and Harry pouted at him.

"I'm not crying! Silly Draco." He wriggled his hand out of Draco's grip and grabbed him by the lapels of his fine robe. "Kiss me again, will you?"

He jumped a little at a scraping sound to their left. He peered around to see the door swinging shut. "Was someone in here just now?" he asked, looking closely at Draco's face. Draco nodded.

"Just a Healer we know."

"Have you been hurt?" Harry ran his hands over Draco's arms and his chest, checking with light squeezes. "Don't hide anything from me!" He felt panic heaving at the bones of his chest. Something was _wrong_ , he was sure of it.

Draco gathered Harry's hands in his and kissed his fingers, the bones of his wrists and turned them over to kiss both his palms. 

"I'm not hurt," he said. "I will never hide anything from you, darling."

"Good." Harry slipped his arms around Draco's waist and snuggled close. "Didn't I tell you to kiss me again?"

+

"Well, what am I doing here, anyway?" Harry demanded, staring around at the flat, grassy field as he clutched a broom in his left hand. He squinted up past bright banners of summer sunlight, and picked out the circles of Quidditch goal posts. Out of the corner of one eye, he spotted movement, and turned his head to track Draco and Ron on their brooms, wands waving in slow, deliberate circles.

"We're going to play Quidditch," Hermione said from behind him, and he spun around in surprise. She gave him a very gloomy stare. "At least you are. I am opposed to this, just so you know."

Harry opened his mouth to ask more questions, because how did he get here? Images, flavours and sounds bloomed, scents and sensation dropped like gentle rain in his mind: memories, some muddled and some very distinct, but they weren't _his_ memories.

They were Draco's, and Harry had duplicates because he couldn't make new ones of his own. This spell had been specially developed by Mind-Healers, using Harry as a test-subject. He now stood with his mouth still open, sifting through the copies of Draco's recollections. Years; there were _years_ here, of his own wide grin and sleepy quiet weekends in each other's pockets, of their children yelling through their house; and then Harry's frantic muddling through the constancy of his amnesia.

Always, always, Draco's focus fixed on him.

Harry closed his mouth slowly and turned to look at Hermione's disapproving visage.

"They're putting up protective spells so no one bothers us for a while," Hermione told him as Ron and Draco landed a few meters away. From her inflection, Harry understood that when she said _us_ she really meant _you_. "But I still think you shouldn't be flying, not…" She trailed off and her lips turned down in a slight frown.

"Not the way I am now," Harry finished for her and tilted his head, inspecting her hair. "You've gone all Weasley, haven't you?"

Hermione sighed, but that frown curled up into a smile as she ran a hand through her auburn curls. "You always say that. Fits me, I think. Ron didn't notice it's been more ginger until a year ago. But Harry--"

He put out a hand and gripped her forearm, smiling even though his stomach seemed to curdle under the weight of his lost life. "You lot are here, aren't you? We'll be fine." He turned his head to look straight in Draco's eyes. "Right?"

Draco did not answer. He simply nodded and maybe Harry's life wasn't so lost, because as soon as he swung his leg over the broom and kicked off, he didn't need to remember. He had Draco's memories of himself streaking through the air, but those were a faint shadow to how his body knew exactly what to do in the air, wind thumping in his ear as he spun in tight circles. He yanked up the broom with a laugh, somersaulted backwards and plummeted down in a straight line, Ron's loud yells framing the moment. He pulled up a few feet above the ground, toes skimming the grass as he cut through the sunlight.

Harry braked with ease and Draco's arms were slung around him even before he dismounted properly. He spun Harry around as they both laughed and hung onto each other.

"See?" Harry said and kissed Draco lightly as Ron and Hermione stampeded towards them. "We're fine."

_fin_


End file.
